Alternate Version of IKAG
by MystSom
Summary: A Version of I Kissed A Girl that doesn't suck as much.  More Brittana, less Finn, no Pelby.  Completed!


**Author's Note:** I normally don't like making AU fanfics or ones that are intended to replace existing episodes/scenes…I usually like to stick with what's cannon. But the last episode of Glee was SO egregious, I couldn't help but write how I hoped the episode would have unfolded instead. Originally, I intended to write an entire episode (i.e. with a 40 minute run time), but since I had no interest in the Puck/Shelby plotline or Coach Beiste/Cooter/Sue love triangle it's more like a half-episode. I really appreciate any feedback; right now I'm debating whether or not to write more Glee fanfic.

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><p>[Scene: Emma Pillsbury's Office. Emma is sitting at her desk and Will is standing next to her with his arms folded. Finn and Santana are seated across from them]<p>

**Emma:** Now I know that this competition was important to both of you, but I think we can all agree that we shouldn't resort to violence to resolve our competitive feelings

**Santana:** (rolls her eyes) This is garbage. Why am I even here?

**Finn:** You hit me…in front of the entire glee club.

**Santana:** You're lucky that's all I did. I had half a mind to kick you square in the—

**Will:** Santana!

**Santana:** What? Thanks to this loser everyone in Ohio is going to know I'm a big fat lesbian.

(beat, no one knows how to respond)

**Santana:** (disgusted)…whatever, I'm out of here

[Santana exits, Will sighs in exasperation, Finn has a dumb look of surprise]

**Finn:** Wait, what's she talking about?

(Will glares up at him)

[Scene: Santana is now at her locker, getting ready to leave school. Kurt comes up to her]

**Kurt:** Hi Santana.

**Santana:** (without looking at him, angry) What the hell do you want?

**Kurt:** I saw what happened in the auditorium with Finn…and wanted you to know that I'm here for you if you need to talk.

**Santana:** Just stay away from me queen gay.

**Kurt:** (sighs) Fine. I understand. You're upset.

[Santana turns in the opposite direction, starts walking away]

**Kurt:** (desperately yells) But you should at least tell your parents…before they hear it from someone else!

(We see Santana hear what he has to say with a concerned look on her face)

[Rachel comes up from behind Kurt]

**Rachel:** Hey Mr. President. Excited for today's vote?

**Kurt:** (turns around) I'm not going to win. Brittany is leading in the latest Jacob Ben Israel straw poll.

**Rachel:**Don't worry about it—we still have the rest of the day to change the minds of the voters.

**Kurt:** What's the point? I'm going to lose unless I pull a JFK.

**Rachel:** You're going to shoot Brittany?

**Kurt:** No, no. When Kennedy ran against Nixon in 1960 he had all his mob buddies in Chicago stuff the ballots boxes so that he'd win Illinois. It won him the presidency.

**Rachel:** Wait, no. No, I can't let you do this. Come on, can't we just do like a great duet in the cafeteria or the library to just drum up some support?

**Kurt:** I have Kennedy's impeccable hairline.

**Rachel:** I know.

**Kurt:** Why can't I have his ends-justify-the-means mentality? If I lose and my resume remains blank, I'm not going to get into NYADA, and I can't accept that.

**Rachel:** You're seriously considering cheating?

**Kurt:** What choice do I have?

[Kurt dejectedly walks away, Rachel stands there, slightly horrified]

[Glee title card appears]

[Scene: Santana sitting pensively in her grandmother's kitchen—very similar to the scene that aired, but truncated/changed]

**Abuela:** Santana, you're all bones. Like Jesus on the cross. Eat!

**Santana:** Abuelita. I have something I want to talk to you about.

**Abuela:** Okay who cares? Talk with your mouth full.

**Santana:** No, no, no come on. Siente te conmigo.

[They sit at the table together]

**Santana:** Look I have to tell you a secret. A secret that I've kept hidden for a long time. I'm going to tell mamá, but I want you to hear it first.

**Abuela:** Santana are you pregnant? Because I will beat you up with this chair—

**Santana:** No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that I've watched you my whole life. And you've always been so strong. Done exactly what you believe and never cared about what anyone else thought of you.

**Abuela:** Tell me about your life. I know mine.

**Santana:** Abuelita…I love girls the way that I'm supposed to feel about boys. It's just something that always been inside of me and…I really want share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me. Who I really am. When I'm with Brittany I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. And I've tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside. But every day just feels like a war. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired. I have to just be me….say something, please.

**Abuela:** Everyone has secrets Santana. They're called secrets for a reason. I want you to leave this house. I don't ever want to see you again.

**Santana:** Abuela—

**Abuela:** Go. Now!

**Santana:** I'm the same person I was a minute ago.

**Abuela:** You made your choice, now I have made mine.

**Santana:**But why?

**Abuela:** It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable. Me da vergüenza. The sin isn't in the thing it's in the scandal when people talk about it aloud.

**Santana:** So you're saying it would have been better if I would have kept this a secret?

[Instead of responding, her grandmother gets up and leaves the room. Santana starts crying]

[Trouble Tones practice room. Brittany and Santana are in the background—Santana definitely looks worse for the wear, and Brittany tries to comfort her, but she defensively pulls away. At that moment, Finn and the rest of the Glee club enter the room.]

**Finn:** Santana?

(She looks up at him and folds her arms)

**Finn:** We all wanted to come by and support you…so, (coyly smiles) in the spirit of that:

[Finn motions for the band members to come forward, the piano playing guy sits at the Trouble Tones' piano. Finn launches into his rendition of Girls Just Want To Have Fun. Santana is mostly uncomfortable and irritated throughout the performance]

**Santana:** Thanks Finn. You know with all the horrible crap I've been through in my life, now I get to add that.

**Finn:** (sighs) Listen, Santana. Glee is about learning to accept yourself for who you are, no matter what other people think. And everybody in glee knows about you and Brittany and we don't judge you for it. We celebrate it, because it's who you are. Not everybody outside of this room is as accepting and cool but—

**Santana:** Accepting and cool? You outted me in front of the entire school…and said that Brittany didn't love me.

(Finn looks embarrassed)

**Santana:** You really want to do me a favor? Stay the hell away from me.

[She storms out of the room, Brittany runs after her]

(Everyone turns back to look at Finn)

**Mike:** Not cool dude.

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><p>[Commercial break. Hope everyone likes it so far…I don't mean to appropriate the original dialogue too much, but I'm trying to make the changes to the story realisticbelievable]

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><p>[Scene: Santana is sitting on the ground with her head between her legs, silently crying. Brittany walks up and sits down next to her, gently putting her arm around her]<p>

**Brittany:** Hey.

(Santana wipes her tears away and looks up)

**Santana: **(stand-offish) Hey.

**Brittany:** I heard what Finn said…

**Santana: **(sniffles, trying to shrug it off) It's no big deal…at this point the cellulite from his nipples probably has control over his brain anyway, so…

**Brittany:** You know I love you right? You're super smart and totally hot and like the coolest person I know…

**Santana:** (halfheartedly) yeah…

**Brittany:** I mean, you're the reason why I'm running for president. (Santana looks up at her, surprised) You're the awesomest girl at this school Santana, and you've always been so strong—for yourself and for me. Who else defended me when that Cheerios rumor went around that I was sleeping in the janitor's closet with a family of feral cats? (Santana smiles)

**Brittany:** You shouldn't care about what Finn, or anyone else thinks. You're amazing. (beat) I love you Santana.

(Brit nuzzles Santana, she smiles in response)

**Santana:** (after a long beat) I finally told my abuela….you know, (whispers) about _us_, and she totally freaked out. (sniffles) How I'm supposed to even look at anyone after that stupid commercial airs?

**Brittany:** Remember that they're probably more afraid of you than you are of them. That's how I got over my fear of squirrels. ….Plus, if anyone gives you a dirty look, I'll just have them detained.

(Santana shoots her an "Are you serious?" look)

**Brittany:** I mean, after I win the election…

(Santana smiles and they hug each other)

[The two of them get up and start walking down the hall, still holding onto one another. Finn comes up to them from the other direction.]

**Finn:** Hey, Santana, can we talk?

**Brittany:** (to Santana) I'll see you in the gym?

[Santana smiles weakly and nods. Brittany kisses her and then leaves, glaring at Finn as she goes]

(Santana folds her arms and looks scornfully at Finn)

**Finn:** Maybe I didn't go about this the right way…but Santana I'm worried about you.

**Santana:** Maybe you should have thought of that before you started crying lesbian to everyone.

**Finn: **(sighs) Look, I know you deal with your anxiety surrounding this stuff by attacking other people, but—

**Santana:** You know what? No, I'm not going to stand here and listen to Fatty McManBoobs tell me about how to come out of the flannel closet. You might think that the kids in this school see lesbians as their potential butch best friend like you, but when every frank and beans in this school feels the need to share with me their lesbian wet dreams, you're not going to have to deal with the consequences. I am.

**Finn:** I just thought—

**Santana:** No, you didn't. You want to be there for a gay bestie? Go harass Kurt. I don't have time for your pity party.

[Santana walks away, and a slight smile creeps across her face]

[Kurt and Rachel are waiting in line to vote in the gym]

**Kurt:** God I feel like a lamb waiting in line to be slaughtered.

**Rachel: **No, you can't think that way. Look Quinn's going into the voting booth right now. She's definitely going to vote for you.

[beat]

**Rachel:** (whispers) Kurt, you're not still thinking about doing…(her eyes shift nervously from side to side) what we talked about earlier are you?

**Kurt: **(sighs) I don't have a choice. If I lose I don't have a chance of getting into NYADA. It's not fair—right now the difference between my dreams coming true and managing a sonic worker depends on how many people check a stupid box. Brittany probably can't even read the names on the ballot, let alone pronounce them, but she's still going to win if I don't do anything.

**Rachel:** But don't you think—

[Brittany approaches them]

**Brittany:** Hey Kurt, I wanted to wish you luck on the election.

**Kurt:** Thanks Brit…

**Brittany:** I know there've been a lot of vicious attacks on the campaign trail, but I want you to know that no matter what happens you're still the most unicorn of them all.

**Kurt:** Well thanks…but I'm not sure that sentiment has any chance beating your crusade to shower the student body in pixie sticks. I have a feeling it won you the sugar-addicted and woefully overweight voting block that dominates this school.

**Brittany: **Thanks (pauses) but that's not really why I ran. (whispers) The pixie sticks were Lord Tubbington's idea. I ran because seeing people like Santana and you being afraid of showing the school who you really are? That breaks my heart. It's not fair that the girls in this school get harassed all the time, or that unicorns can't proudly display their horns.

(Kurt looks kind of dazed)

**Brittany:** But I know that both of us would make this school unicorn-friendly, so…(smiles) good luck!

[Brittany gives Kurt a hug and walks over to Santana just as Jacob Ben Israel starts rolling his camera]

**Jacob:** I don't have to ask who you lovely ladies are voting for.

**Santana: **I'm team Brit all the way.

**Brittany: **I'm voting for the hockey player.

[Santana motions in the background that Brittany is just joking]

**Jacob: **Rick "the Stick" Nelson? Well I wouldn't worry too much about a spare vote here or there Brittany.

[While he's saying all this, cuteness ensues between Brittany and Santana, including that uber adorable kiss on the cheek]

**Jacob: **My exit polling is putting you well ahead of Lady Hummel. This election is Ova.

**Brittany:** That's right...

[Cut to the voting montage of all the glee kids voting for senior class president]

**Quinn ****VO:** I like what Kurt stands for and Brittany is insane. But just like my dad always voted for the candidate that was least ethnic I'm voting for the one who's most girl.

**Mercedes ****VO:** Brittany is my Trouble Tones' homegirl. But thank god for secret ballots, because if Santana's girlfriend wins this election I'm never gunna hear the end of it,

[Mike Chang votes for Kurt]

[Finn votes for Kurt]

[Santana draws a heart around Brittany's check box and kisses her ballot before dropping it in the box]

[Puck writes in "ROSS PEROT"]

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><p>[2nd Commercial Break. This is actually the last act in the episode-it's intended to have a 30 minute runtime instead of an hour. I realize now that technically the song I Kissed a Girl isn't in the episode at all, but it just seemed way too inappropriate and I couldn't quite imagine the Jill Sobule version fitting into the episode.]<p>

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><p>[Scene: WMHS hallway. Santana is walking down the hall with her books in hand, looking around nervously now that the commercial has aired. She makes her way over to Kurt, who is standing at his locker]<p>

**Santana:** Hey Hummel, got a minute? Look, I know I was kind of a bitch the other day, but…could I talk to you?

**Kurt:** Yeah, I'll just get Blaine.

**Santana: **If I wanted help learning how to accessorize my bowties, he'd be the first person I'd call. Look, I just want to know…(whispers) when you came out to your family, did anyone just like _ignore_you?

[Flashback to Santana sitting in her living room while her mom bustles about the room]

**Santana:** Mamá…I like girls. (beat) …instead of boys, I mean.

**Mom: **(sighs, begins moving about again) more high school drama I see…

**Santana: **No, no. I mean…I think I'm a lesbian.

**Mom: **(dismissively) okay, bueno…now could you get off your behind and run to the store?

[Flashforward back to the present]

**Kurt:** Well one of my aunts is convinced it's a phase—that I just need to meet the right girl. She's going to be waiting a long time…

(Santana is looking downward pensively)

**Kurt: **There's always someone who's going to be in denial. But eventually they'll accept you for who you are…and if they don't, all the more reason to lean on those who do. Which is why I'm going to find Blaine…

[Kurt takes Santana's hand and starts to lead her down the hall. She just frowns at him]

**Santana:** No way in hell I'm going back to that choir room to listen to another misappropriated girl power song by Finn…

**Kurt:** I wouldn't worry about Finn. I think I straightened him out last night…no pun intended.

[Flashback to Kurt and Finn in their house]

**Kurt:** Just because she had sex with you doesn't mean you can throw her a coming out party!

(Finn looks confused)

**Kurt:** (rolls his eyes) Ugh, straight men…

[Flashforward]

[Santana begrudgingly follows him down the hall as the music for Perfect starts playing in the background]

[Cut to Kurt and Blaine singing Perfect to Santana in the otherwise empty choir room. Part way through Brittany walks in and sits down next to Santana]

(performance ends)

**Santana: **(quietly) Thanks.

[She stands up and gives them a group hug]

**Blaine: **We have to get to class, but if you need anything, we're both here.

[Santana nods, and Blaine and Kurt leave. She plops back down onto the chair. Brittany takes her hand, and there is a really sweet, silent moment between the two of them]

**Brittany:** You okay?

**Santana:** (nods) I think I will be…(tepidly) if you're with me today

**Brittany:** (smiles) Well…I actually came to ask you a favor… They're announcing the election results, and I wanted you there with me. (long pause) And…I just got _Bring__It__On_ on blue-ray, soo—

**Santana:** The original?

(Brittany nods excitedly)

**Santana: **(cracks a smile) Okay, okay. But only if I get to be the little spoon this time.

[The girls hug for a moment, kiss each other, and lock pinkies before exiting the room]

[Scene: Will and Emma are walking down a crowded WMHS hallway together]

**Will:** I don't know, I'm really worried about Santana. It seems like she's bottling everything up inside. I'm afraid what might happen to her if she doesn't reach out.

**Emma: **Well she certainly seems to be very, um, assertive about herself.

**Will:** Yeah, on the outside. But I don't think she's used to being attacked on such a personal level. I know things have been tense since the girls defected to the Trouble Tones, but I know everyone in glee still cares about her. I just hope she knows that.

[As they continue to walk down the hall past the camera, we see Quinn, Tina and Rachel in the background—having clearly overheard their conversation—looking at one another with concern]

[Scene: Santana and Brittany walk to Santana's locker, locked pinkies in tow]

**Brittany:** I have to get to my home ec class. The teacher said if I don't learn how to use the measuring cups by the end of the month, I'm going to have to repeat the class next semester. (beat) Are you going to be okay?

**Santana: **Yeah, I'll be fine. (smiles weakly) Really.

**Brittany:** Okay (smiles)

[Brittany kisses her on the cheek and leaves]

**Jock:** Ooo, smokin'. Saw that commercial last night.

**Santana:** Who the hell are you?

**Jock: **Josh Comin. Sophomore rugby captain. Girls like you are a challenge. You just need the right guy to straighten you out. And I'm just the man to do it.

**Mercedes: **Move your busted creeper ass.

[Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, Rachel, and Sugar have all appeared next to Santana]

**Tina:** Now.

**Jock:** Who's this? Another one of your girlfriends?

**Quinn:** Yeah, actually all the girls in this school are lesbians. That must explain why you can't get laid.

**Rachel:** That or your hideous choice of hairstyles.

**Mercedes:** Either way you best get the hell out of here

[The jock storms off, all butthurt]

**Santana:** (smiles) Thanks you guys.

**Mercedes:** Who would I be if I wasn't there for my Trouble Tones homegirl?

[They all start walking down the hall; Mercedes with her arm around Santana]

**Rachel:** And as much as it would benefit us to have you off weeping in a corner somewhere during Sectionals…it wouldn't be a fair fight.

[Santana nods, realizing that's the most she's going to get from Rachel]

[Scene: gym—the seniors are gathered there for the presidential election results. Kurt is talking to Rachel and Finn off to the side, before he has to take his seat in front with the other candidates (i.e. Brittany, since Rick "the Stick" is supposed to be in a coma)]

**Kurt:** (exhales) This is it.

**Rachel:** (smiles enthusiastically) Good luck!

**Finn:** Yeah, Kurt, you have like a 50% chance of winning anyway, right?

**Rachel:** (under her breath) More if you consider he pulled a JFK…

**Finn: **Whoa, dude, you shot Brittany?

**Kurt:** No I didn't shoot Brittany, she's sitting right there! (rolls his eyes at how stupid Finn is) And no, I didn't stuff the ballot box either. As confused and illiterate as Brittany may be, she does mean well. Plus I couldn't remember how many students were in our class and I didn't want to get caught—then I really would be screwed for my NYADA application.

(Rachel nods, Finn looks confused)

**Rachel:** (smiles) Well I'm still pulling for you…now get up there!

[Kurt smiles and walks over to his chair on the gym floor. Santana is sitting in the chair next to him rubbing Brittany's shoulders, who is sitting on the floor]

**Principal ****Figgins: **Good afternoon children. This year saw an unprecedented turnout for the senior presidential election. Over 20% of the student body voted, a new record at William McKinley. We would like to thank everyone for turning out to vote and carrying on our longstanding tradition of democracy. (awkward silence) And now for the results of the William McKinley senior class president elections.

[Cut to Santana leaning down with her arms around Brittany holding her tightly for support]

**Principal ****Figgins:** The new senior class president, with 35% of the vote, is Brittany S. Pierce

[Brittany and Santana start jumping up and down—Santana has totally flipped out of course—and hugging each other. When they finally stop, Brittany gives Kurt a hug and walks up to the podium]

**Brittany: **Thank you guys so much. This is really, really, awesome. I do need to make a couple of announcements. Principal Figgins told me I will not be able to institute topless Tuesdays, but I do plan to send school-wide sexts. Also, due to our nation's crippling debt and double dip recession, we cannot afford the widely-anticipated robot teachers. Bummed about that one. And finally, I would like to announce a new zero tolerance policy for unicorn-based bullying. Anyone caught stripping a unicorn of its horn will be indefinitely detained.

[Scene: choir room. Everyone in seated except for Santana who is standing in front of the class]

**Santana: **I wanted to thank you guys for your support and let you know that even though I'm not in the glee club anymore, I still think you guys are all pretty dope. And to illustrate this point I picked a song that gives me strength and gets me through, the same way all of you do. The struggle continues, but at least I'm not alone. (Santana looks at Brittany, who smiles back at her)

[Santana launches into her rendition of Constant Craving]

[There's a musical montage of various characters (e.g. Kurt, since he lost the election) but it ends with a shot of Brittany and Santana spooning in bed and watching a movie. Santana looks back at Brittany and smiles, and they kiss before hugging each other tighter and turning back to the movie]

[End of the episode! Hope you guys liked it. I definitely appreciate any feedback, especially because I'm thinking of writing more Brittana fanfics in the future. With the way the show is going, I can't count on much to happen between them onscreen anymore.]


End file.
